lol anti jokes

Quote :

I couldn't afford haircuts so I purposely contracted cancer.

lmfao

Quote :

Why was the boy sad?

Because he had a frog stapled to his face

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whats worse than being cold?

having a pine cone shoved up your ass.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7, 6's boss, has been sexually assaulting 6 for years at work, but 6 needs the money too bad to say anything or quit his job.

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In Soviet Russia, joke tells YOU!
...because that is the syntax of the language.

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Two gay guys walk into a Hooters...

They order cheese fries and enjoy their meal.

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what do you call a 2-foot blue scottishman named max?

max

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Why should you never push a Mexican off a bike?

Because he will file a lawsuit against you in the event of an injury.

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A retarded man speaks jibberish, because he is retarded

Quote :

Is your refrigerator running?

Yes

Good. Enjoy your cold drinks.

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Why did the woman buy peanut butter and a puppy?

Her husband just died. She was trying to fill the void in her soul with junk food and companionship.

Quote :

WWII veteran screamed! "You d@mn yellow monkey"

"But sir...

...my fur is brown!" Replied the monkey.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

1. Discovering your "girlfriend" is a man
2. The Holocaust
3. Being Raped
4. Being Raped by a Giant Scorpion-Panda Hybrid
5. Being Raped by a Giant Scorpion-Panda Hybrid who doesn't wear protection.

What do you call a muslim driving a plane?

A pilot.

Quote :

Knock knock?
Who is there?
Nobody.
Those were noises coming from your head.

Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

An Asian child flunks a test.

lol

A black child gives away his last piece of fried chicken.

Quote :

What has 2 legs and bleeds a lot?
Half a dog

Quote :

How does Batman's mom call him home for supper?

Nothing. Batman's mom is dead.

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Yo momma is so stupid, she is in rehab and will unlikely get over her mental illness leading to her soon and fatal death.

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whats silver and cries?

a coin, although it can't cry because its a coin. So it's just silver

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What's the difference between an orange?

A bicycle because a vest doesn't have any sleeves.

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an man of hispanic descent ran into a pole

his white friends proceeded to laugh at him

not because he was in pain, but because he was different

[quote="yui kol"]

Quote :

What's the difference between an orange?

A bicycle because a vest doesn't have any sleeves.

reminds me of the stupid ass jokes we used to make up in sixth grade lunch

ahhh, memories...

good times good times

Quote :

Why did the car stop.

someone threw a cow at it.

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A ham sandwich walks into a bar, bartender says "We don't serve food here."

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What do you call a Mentally Challenged Black Man?
Whatever Name his parent(s) Gave him at birth.

i like yo signature

thank you:

Quote :

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

I'd go all the way to the store and buy one.

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What does it mean when the drummer drools out of both sides of their mouth?

That they may have had a stroke and you should immediately call 911.

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What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Someone else's cheese.

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How do you get a Mexicans attention?

By calling him by his name.

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When is a tree not a tree?

When it's a rock.

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Q. Why did the boy throw up on the bus?

A. All his friends around him died in the accident

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In Soviet Russia, everything you do will have an equal and opposite effect, for the laws of physics still apply in every part of the world. No matter where you are

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Your mother is so old, she could easily be considered a senior citizen.

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What did one lawyer say to the other?

Hello.

Quote :

Q: How many Jew does it take to change a light bulb?

A: A lightbulb cannot be changed, it either is or isn't. Do you mean replace a burned-out bulb with a new one? With design, logistics, manufacturing, marketing of just that single bulb- there are many people involved. It could be argued that we all play some small part in the process.

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Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.

Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

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A man walks into a bar and says "I just got back from the battered woman's shelter, and boy are my arms tired" Everyone laughed. The man sat at the end of the bar drinking alone. He was proud of the fine craftsmanship of the shelves he put up in the shelter's pantry, regardless of what others may think.